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Back in my room

Back in the sadness
Back in unbearable grief
And the madness

Back in my chair
Filled with chagrin
Tears welling over
Up to the brim

Back in the darkness
Weighted and black
Back as a hostage
No cutting slack

Back in the smokescreen
Of panic and grief
Where there’s no way
To obtain relief

Back in the embers
Of regret and despair
Missing old moments
Beyond help or repair

Back in the subtle
Innocuous doubt
Where there are no answers
Beyond standard clout

Back again once
Back again twice
Back again always till I
Lose all advice

Lonely and drained
Stagnant and still
Where is the hope
When I’m using the drill?

Fighting old demons
Layered on new
If only I stuck to
My original coup

But that’s not my way
Blindly I fight
Extreme examples of
Wittle and flight

Timid and foolish
Frail and small
I can’t beat this battle
Unless I lose it all